Archive for August, 2010

The Most Annoying Video Game Achievements

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But it would also help to hear other horror stories.  What’s given you the biggest headache?  Skulls, Packages, Flying Rats, Dog Tags, Gobbos, Audio Diaries?  Whatever your poison, I want to hear it.

Oh, and if you need help with flag locations, these AC maps are worthy of an Ass Stamp of Approval.


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Rating: 2.8/ Mohamed Arif Easy-Forex 5 (12 votes cast)

Dragon Age II – Destiny Trailer WARNING: Your pants may explode

Gamescom 2010 is underway in Germany and today was a downright huge day for PS3 gamers with the news of Mass Effect 2 coming their way. But BioWare wasn’t done droppin’ bombs on us. The release date for Dragon Age II was released as well, it’s March 8, 2011.

But that’s not all…in a Billy Mays-esque maneuver they went ahead and threw in an added bonus. Below we have the Destiny trailer for Dragon Age II. I feel I should warn you that when I pulled this up at work today the entire internet started to run slowly. I began to watch it and I’m pretty sure I blacked out. When I came to I was standing on

hawke dragon age II

"My nose? No, I cut myself shaving."

my desk with my monitor above my head cheering in a loud manly yell. Once it was over I sent it up to Kat. Sure enough the internet ran slowly and she did the bull dance around the office while twirling her “overshirt” above her head while talking smack to the graphic designers.

I can only think of two theories to account for this. But to explain this we need to break the events down. Two people acted well outside of their normal patterns of behavior while the very internet that brought us this trailer slowed. Ladies and gentlemen…this video is so damn awesome that existence itself altered upon its release. The internet didn’t slow down, the world slowed down in an attempt to comprehend the very level of awesomeness contained in these two minutes.

On top of this our feeble minds cannot comprehend the sheer awesome that exists in this video. We act in a way we feel commensurate to the awesome forcing ourselves to black out and behave in a very unusual manner. I warn you to make sure loved ones, coworkers, pets, neighbors, friends, and small children are nowhere near you when you press play. We at Polish the Console can not be held accountable for what you may do while you watch it.

My pants literally just exploded into a brilliant light and an angelic choir just sang out. Did that just happen to anyone else?

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Rating: 4.5/ online share trading sites 5 (4 votes cast)

Mass Effect 2: Where’s My Solo Scene?

I sing enough of BioWare‘s praises, but honestly I can’t get enough.  They really know how to create a game that takes root within you, leaving you continually thinking about the engrossing characters.

Think back to the BioWare classic RPG, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.  You create your own Jedi, and throughout your journey you continue to hear about this incredibly evil Sith, Revan.  In the biggest reveal this side of the galaxy, you find out that YOU were Revan!  How crazy was that!!  And how unforgettable!

"Is that an order, Commander?"

For a more recent example, well, this weekend I finally beat Mass Effect 2.  Predictably, in the original Mass Effect, I developed a relationship with Kaidan Alenko.  Sensitive and caring, I fell head over heels for Kaidan.  Imagine my disappointment when I found out he wouldn’t be joining the team in ME2 – and that he would, in fact, feel hurt and have strong words for me when we reunited on Horizon.

Can’t really say I blame the guy.  After our heated night prior to Ilos and saving the Citadel, I randomly disappear for two years?  That’s gotta hurt.

Anyways, in ME2, you have a larger selection of choices if you’re looking for a romance (from one option to three).  One flirtatious comment can send you into a whirlwind of romance and have them knocking on your cabin door the night before the suicide mission.

A side note – I gotta admit, I was a little disappointed in the choices for romances this game.  Granted, Jacob is a sexy beefcake, but there’s not really a deep emotional connection with him.  Thane kinda freaks me out the way he looks like a frog and has those crazy eyes and precise memory.  And Garrus just looks…sharp.

I decided to hold out, since in the third Mass Effect, I’m just 100% positive I’ll be able to see Kaidan again.  I’m not even praying that he’s in it because I’m so sure that he will be.  (You hearing this BioWare?  Don’t let me down!)  I’m also positive that there will be some amazing reunion action.

However, poor Shepard had to suffer the consequences of the lack of romance.  The worst was on the eve of the suicide mission, my lonely Commander Shepard locked herself in her room and stared at a picture of Kaidan, potentially resorting to, erm, Polishing the Console.  *wink wink, nudge nudge*  How sad is that!

By the way, since every other relationship culminates in a sexy scene, why doesn’t Shepard get her own, solo scene when she decides to forgo a relationship?  Can you imagine Fox news reacting to that?


"Talk to me, Garrus. It's sexy."

Another sad fact?  I’ve become so deprived of tenting action that I’ve even started thinking Garrus is sexy.  Mmmm, that growly voice…

I’ve already started a second game and can’t wait to get my flirt on with all the guys.

PS – BioWare, feel free to consult myself or Wadoobie on ME3.  Or send us copies and we’d be happy to help test!


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Rating: 4.0/ quotes about the stock market funny 5 (4 votes cast)