It’s not every day that a video game comes out and blatantly calls you out. It’s not every day that a video game steps up and says “Hey you. Yeah, you. I’m going to kill you. Over, and over, and over, and over. My sole purpose here is to punish you, but at the same time make you think that you enjoy it.” Dark Souls did just that.
Did you see what I saw? There are two things in this world I’m afraid of. 1.) Closets 2.) Oversize animals wielding obscenely large and deadly weaponry. Well lookie what we have here. A big damn wolf with an oversize claymore. Well shit. I mean how is that even going to possibly be a fair fight. To start with the wolf looks to be about four times your size. Add into that the fact that the sword he’s holding is something that could be used as a sled for the entire Griswold family, INCLUDING cousin Eddie’s brood.
I feel that the ending of the video appropriately summarizes what my October will like. When it flashes the word “fight” you’re inclined to think “oh how bad could it be?” If you’ve played Demon’s Souls then the next flash of “struggle” will make you think “okay yeah, pretty damn bad. Dark Souls isn’t totally heartless. It throws the word “endure” up there to give all video gamers hope. It’s like it’s saying “You can do it!” But it’s the final verb of ”suffer” that really pisses me off.
I grew up in a family where the phrase “give in” doesn’t ever come about. The words “work with what you have” and “one way or the other its going to get done,” come up. But in my house the phrase you can’t do it is a challenge. The phrase “you’re not going to suffer” is a challenge that you can’t smile you ass off the whole way through. Well Dark Souls I was already going to play you. Hell I’m counting down the days. But now you’ve given me a new challenge. Smile my ginger ass off while doing it. No no, you go right ahead and have flaming spider try to walk down those stairs at 0:46 all slow and menacing. I don’t care Dark Souls. You go right ahead and have your leaping, screaming, pike wielding dragons, Dark Souls. I’m gonna come at ‘em ’till they fall. Shouting all of Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” the entire damn time. Hell, I might make a club. The “We Shouted Louis Armstrong Lyrics While We Beat Dark Souls” club. May even make bad ass crushed velvet jackets for it. That’s right Dark Souls, crushed goddamn velvet. Nothing says bad ass like struttin’ in a crushed velvet jacket.
In fact, Dark Souls, at this point I think there’s only one thing left to say.