Category: Video Game Pin Ups

Juliet Starling Lollipop Chainsaw - Ass Stamp of Approval

Let’s just be honest with each other. Did you really think we were going to be bringing up Juliet Starling without rolling her into the Video Game Pin Up section?

And we have a new Ass Stamp!

In Julet’s present bio on Lollipop Chainsaw’s Homepage we get to learn a little more about our zombie killing cheerleader. Her favorite food is Strawberry Lollipops, her favorite weapon is a chainsaw and her hobbies are cheerleading, karaoke, and dismembering zombies. I have to ask though, where some someone find a chainsaw covered in hearts? That’s down right adorable.

In Lollipop Chainsaw we will see more than just Juliet as she’s joined by family, her boyfriend, and an abnormally animated severed head. We also know that once in game Juliet’s favorite food will also help supply her with health. Given that this is by the same people who gave us No More Heroes I think it’s safe to assume there will be more than one joke about “sucking” involved.

Juliet Starling High Kick Lopplipop Chainsaw

If she's not 18 then this could be awkward

Lollipop Chainsaw Juliet Starling Jumping

Does anyone else see a joke coming from a mile away?

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Ezio Auditore da Firenze

If you can get past those knives, you get to those sexy lips...if you dare.

Assassin’s Creed II blew the first Assassin’s Creed out of the water.  Not only because of the many varied quests (breaking out of the standard ‘rescue citizen’, ‘eavesdrop’, and ‘beat up’ events), the beautiful scenery set in Renaissance Italy (rather than the very dull, grayish setting of Jerusalem), and the introduction of new characters and new mini quests (Subject 16 videos!), but also because of the more animated, more interesting main character.  Ezio Auditore da Firenze starts off as a spoiled rich kid, but when some catastrophic events happen to his family, he grows into the assassin.  Not only does Ezio have a lovely accent, but he actually sounds authentic.  In the first Assassin’s Creed, the main character Altair was one of the biggest drawbacks in the game.  He wasn’t interesting to listen to, and he didn’t sound like he belonged.

Ass Stamp

Is it possible to stealthily stamp this on Ezio?

But dear Ezio charms both men and women.  His stoic attitude and fierce passion for revenge has men falling in formation as allies, and his attractive features and knight-like qualities has women falling in love.  I find myself charmed by Ezio’s humor and dedication.  Even in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, when Ezio decides a goatee is an excellent fashion statement, I still love him.

Ezio Auditore Brotherhood

He protects his most precious assets with his daggers. Just TRY to kick him there, guys.

There’s nothing greater than getting behind a character you find both attractive and rousing as an Assassin.  And of course, it’s great to see Ezio getting some lovin’ in the games.  Thus, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, we award you with the Ass Stamp of Approval!

…because you know we approve both when he assassinates his enemies and when he flirts with the ladies.

-Kat

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Rating: 5.0/5 (8 votes cast)
Trishka Novak - Bulletstorm

I don't know if we're gonna try to stamp this one ourselves. Maybe just ask politely to stamp it on herself.

Meet Trishka Novak. Trishka here is a female space pirate in the upcoming release from Epic and People can fly that you may have heard of. It’s called Bulletstorm. It’s kind of a topic of conversation in some circles.

If the demo is any indication Bulletstorm is a first person shooter that is going to wind up being incredibly fun to play and an absolute vacuum of my time. However this is not a review of Bulletstorm.

Very little information has been released about this character. So far what we do know is the following:

NAME: Trishka “Lovely Bitter” Novak
AGE: 18
HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 5’5, Unknown
BIRTHPLACE: Warsaw, Poland
JOB: Trained killer
MILITARY EXPERIENCE: Final Echo, 4 years
SPECIALTY: Silent and merciless stealth assassin
REGRETS: Inability to prevent her dad’s murder
LAST SEEN: Unknown

She has also been described as “A foul-mouthed member of the Dead Echo squad in Bulletstorm, who has a dark past.” (GiantBomb)

This means that we should hopefully see some interesting story evolve around her. Not to mention any time a woman can curse like a sailor it’s always a plus for some of us here at Polish the Console.

Trishka here gets Polish the Conosle’s Ass Stamp of Approval…and all from a demo. A definite first.

Ass Stamp

Seriously. I'm not stamping it. She looks like she bites. Another plus.

bulletstorm Trishka Novak

Knee pads are always a plus. Safety first, kids.

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Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)

Well it’s been a while since we posted a Pin Up. It’s not that we don’t love them, really we do. We’ve just been busy as hell lately and PtC has taken a back seat. Well not anymore. It’s time to get rolling full steam with this weeks installment of Video Game Pin Ups. Lets kick things off with the hottest ginger since Ron Howard. Awww crap…things just got awkward. Anyway lets get it rolling with Trip from Enslaved: Odyssey to the West

enslaved odyssey to the west - trip 3

Who wouldn't mind a Trip in that...see what I did there?

Okay sure, the relationship began by her running away and locking a door on him. Happens all the time. Okay sure…then she rockets off in an escape pod with him clinging to the outside…then crashed into a wall. Happens all the time. Then she took advantage of him while he was passed out….okay this tends to happen in reverse in some places and its just not right.

Enslaved: Odyssey to the West comes out Tuesday, October 5th thanks to the fine people at Ninja Theory and Trip is absolutely the right individual to bring back the long unused PtC Video Game Pin Up. She’s tan, computer savvy, and smokin’ hot red head. As a ginger I would normally go on a rant about how tan gingers are an abomination but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do so while looking at her.

Enslaved: Odyssey to the West takes place in a post apocalyptic (because there aren’t enough games that take place after the world goes to hell) United States as Trip…well lets just say the “commandeers” the burly man Monkey to take her 300 miles west of New York. Okay she enslaves him for her journey west. Yeah…the name pretty much tells the premise.

First impressions for Enslaved are that this is going to be one fantastic game. We’ll keep you posted once we finish it. But until you can pick it up for yourself lets tide you over with some images of Trip, below.

We almost went with Peter Molyneux so you can consider yourself lucky. I won’t…don’t know why Kat wouldn’t let me play with Photoshop.

enslaved odyssey to the west - trip assenslaved odyssey to the west Trip 4

enslaved odyssey to the west - trip 2

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Rating: 4.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Thank you StarCraft. Back in ’98 you took my senior year of high school and made it special by introducing me to a very special girl.  Not only was she attractive, intelligent, motivated, and dedicated but she was also part of an elite fighting force. Sure at one point she got taken away by the Zerg but in a way…that just makes Sarah Kerrigan hotter.

sarah kerrigan star craft ghost

I could make a joke about "guns" and being between her legs...but I wont

I know we haven’t done one of these for a while, but frankly…we got busy. Anyway, here we are with Sarah Krerigan; StarCraft’s leading lady and undisputed winner of every “hot Zerg” contest. Seriously, Kerrigan stands literally and figuratively above the entire horde. While she may not be everyone’s cup of tea people have different taste. Some like their tea iced. Some like their tea with honey. Some like their tea with tentacles and a zerg rush. I like mine iced with lemonade. The ol’ Arnold Palmer.

Sarah Kerrigan: you win the Ass Stamp of Approval for the whole month.

Ass Stamp

Bring on the Zerg Rush

Sarah Kerrigan Startcraft Hydralisk

Who's a good puppy! That's right you're a good puppy!

sarah kerrigan starcraft 2

Am I the only one who finds this totally hot?

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Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)