Posts Tagged ‘Killzone 2’

Killzone 3 Review

Killzone has always been a special game for me. It continually brings back wonderful nostalgic feelings. When I was in college the original Killzone came out for the PS2. I never actually played it since my console had a rather nasty problem at the time but I sat with my friend Jim and watched him play it. I was in awe. Everything from the AI, the graphics, the background, it was all mesmerizing. When Killzone 2 came out it was a no brainer for me. I played it, I loved it, I went nuts for it. It brought back those feelings of “we really should be studying but that’s just not gonna happen tonight.”

killzone 3 helgast attack

This could end poorly

Once more a new Killzone experience came into glorious existence and I was more than ready to pick up a copy and rock out. I have been a total Killzone fanboy and I have loved every minute of it. Admittedly part of me held the copy in my hand and said “This will be a 5 out 5 across the board. This is going to be that good!” Did Killzone 3 live up to expectations? Well lets find out shall we?


(Note: All controls are non Playstation Move) Out of the box the controls for Killzone 3 are pretty much what you would expect from a FPS. For me I had to tweak and adjust them a little bit to make them more “Wadooberific” but as far as layout is concerned they were pretty standard.

When Killzone 2 came out it came out swinging with fantastic use of the motion aspect for PS3 controllers. While Killzone 3 focused on showing the precision of the Playstation move they seem to have totally neglected showing off what else you can do with a Playstation controller. They just tacked on what worked before with no real innovation. You can call it a little non-Move jealousy but because of the lack of innovation I was fairly let down.

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Killzone 3’s controls get a 3 out of 5


When you’re not walking around shooting in Killzone 3 you’re flying around shooting, or riding in a large mech shooting, or driving around shooting. There is an on-rails shooter aspect to a few of the missions you undertake but they are so breathtakingly beautiful and so well executed that you almost forget about the whole on-rails aspect. When you were off rails and it was just you and a gun you had action that was so intense that I found myself jumping up and yelling at my television in excitement and glee.

What turned me off however was that it was a little too glitchy. From audio that would skip or just my shots not registering when they hit the target it became a deterrent. However as I continued to play they seemed to work themselves out and by the end the game was smooth and perfect.

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Killzone 3’s gameplay gets a 4 out of 5


Visually amazing. The biggest complaint people had with the last Killzone was that it was relatively small when it came to the color palate. They addressed this by throwing you into the middle of a lavish jungle with reds and subtle undertones of blue. We expected a lot from Killzone 3’s graphics and they delivered quite well. What we have to remember about Helgan is that it’s a dying planet. Expecting some lush and verdant forest isn’t what that planet is about. It’s a world built on hard work and cold stone. It’s a cold and dying world with no beauty. To put us in the middle of a flowery colorful field would seem very out of place. However the factories inject a little color into our lives. Perhaps it’s the Helgan way to make the workplace more appealing than anywhere else. But once you find yourself inside of a structure you begin to experience a little more than the browns and greys.

Jetpack Helgast

Notice the vibrant colors...wait a minute

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Killzone 3’s graphics get a 5 out of 5


The story felt as if it was very fragmented. Parts of it were gripping while other aspects were not fleshed out enough to really make me care. There is a gripping and interesting political struggle going on behind the scenes in the wake of Scolar Visari’s death between Admiral Orlock who commands the Helgan military and Johan Stahl a weapons manufacturer for the Helgan Military. Each wants to run the show and will do so no matter what it takes.

Then there is the story that centers around Sev who was introduced to us in Killzone 2. They are stranded on Helgan and waiting for a ride when they learn of a plot to lay waste to Earth. It’s a fairly standard first person shooter plot. “Space marine must save humanity from evil aliens”. Yes I know the Helgan were once human but lets face it, they really aren’t anymore.

Nothing in it really blew my skirt up, but when they cut to the goings on of the Helgan power struggle you see something potentially great and full of intrigue, deception, and great planning that almost pulls the game through with flying colors.

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Killzone 3’s story gets a 4 out of 5


Killzone 3 is a fun game that is a must have for any Killzone fan. It’s fun fast paced and has half of a really outstanding and interesting story. Visually it’s a glorious display of what the PS3 can handle and while I’m sure it was wonderful with the Playstation Move, when it comes to a regular old SIXAXIS it’s pretty much a rehash of what worked so well in Killzone 2. Killzone 3 sits at the cusp of greatness but never quite gets stands up and reaches for it.

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Killzone 3 gets a 4 out of 5

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Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)

Ugly Video Game Characters

In preparation for the eventual release of The Witcher 2 I find myself once again struck with a monumental problem with The Witcher. This is not a problem with gameplay, or graphics, or story but with the overall character itself. It’s the kind of video game that goes awry in the first 15 seconds because the main characters face flashed on your screen and you almost dive under whatever you’re sitting on because you’re afraid it’s so ugly it may just try and steal your soul.

Every video game has an ugly character or two and I can overlook them. But I find it difficult to get connected to, feel empathy for, or wish for the survival of my main character when all I can think is “Holy crap why did they make him so damn ugly?” I’m supposed to be living for a period of this person’s life. I’m supposed to assume their role and identify with them. Why would I want to? Is it supposed to be fun to have children and women run screaming at my very appearance and have farmers chase me with pitchforks until I eventually burn to death in a windmill (name that movie)? No, its not fun.

I know, I’m shallow. I’m a guy, its what I do.

Now you may be asking yourselves “What video games have such god awful ugly characters?” Well you’re in luck, I’ve made a short list for you:

Geralt of Riva: The Witcher

Oh crap, I think he just ate my soul.

Geralt of Riva: The Witcher/The Witcher 2

Let’s start out with the very reason for the post in the first place. Geralt of Riva is a damn ghoul. I mean just look at him, what redeeming quality is there in him. Everything about The Witcher’s main character screams “I’m going to sneak into your house in the middle of the night and abscond your virgin daughter.” He has all the look of Brett Michaels and none of the awesomeness.

And the most intriguing facet of The Witcher is the fact that you not only have numerous romantic conquests, but you get rewarded for them. Apparently when the world is going to shit and monsters roam the countryside any man will do when you need your quick lovin’ fix.

I can only imagine they sat in their design meeting and said “Man, Legolas was awesome. Lets make someone bad ass like him but instead of a bow lets give him a sword. That’s awesome! Now lets give him a large scar because scars are awesome! Okay now age him 30 years. Now make him look and sound like he smoked a pack a day for each of those 30 years. That’s AWESOME!”

Miranda Lawson: Mass Effect 2 - Ugly Video Game Characters

Please stop looking at me.

Miranda Lawson: Mass Effect 2

Oh how we here at PtC love our BioWare and pretty much everything that BioWare does. That being said, in Mass Effect 2, what the hell did they put on Miranda Lawson’s chin? What? What do you mean? That is her chin? Dear god why? Miranda should have been amazing! You start with Yvonne Strahovski give her a space ship and a gun and have her kill things. Throw in a sex scene and bam! That right there is a recipe for smokin’ hottie. Instead you get that…thing. Now she’s not all bad. There are absolutely worse looking models in the video game world. In fact everything before the Playstation 2 era is a bit…well….jagged and pointy.

Miranda Lawson Sex Scene - Mass Effect 2 - Ugly Video Game Characters

Mass Effect 2 has a butterface

The flipside is that the rest of Miranda is pretty damn nice. I find myself wanting to like her more. I feel this overwhelming compulsion to legitimately want to say to myself “I can cope with that” but to be honest I really cant. Is there a patch BioWare can issue that can fix her? Seriously?

In fact yes: BioWare (I know you’re reading this) please from all of us here at Polish the Console do something to fix Miranda Lawson’s god awful face.  Shave th chin down a bit. Make her less manly. Give her a softer look that makes the ass kickery all that much more…ass kicky.

Never in my life has underboob ever been seen in conjunction with the overwhelming desire to yell “PUT ON A HELMET!!”

Want to know the real head scratcher? We also think she’s hot. Explain that! So much so that she made into our Pin Up Gallery. Hell, even  we’re confused.

Nier: Gestalt - Old Nier

Nier Hungry

The Father: Nier

Once again I would like to state that I loved Nier. I thought it was awesome. I’m actually questioning its placement on this list because I loved it so much. I can play Nier for hours on end and never get tired of it. Nier is like having an ugly baby. You know its ugly. Whenever anyone looks at it they think its ugly. Nier is just that ugly. But you know what? It’s your ugly baby and you love it no matter what. That’s what Nier is to me. Nier is my ugly baby.

But Nier also tests the limits of how ugly something can be and still illicit a positive emotional response. Sure he’s supposed to be old. Sure he’s supposed to look like absolute hell. Sure his life pretty much mimics Gary Busey’s. But couldn’t they have at least dressed him in something relatively presentable? What’s this, no shirt? Are those raging pythons too big to be contained by anything that isn’t made of solid steel?

Marcus Fenix - Gears of War - Ugly Video Game Characters

Can he even wear a real shirt anymore?

Marcus Fenix: Gears of War/Gears of War 2

His can’t. Not at all. Not even mildly. Marcus Fenix of Gears of War cannot, at all, wear a normal shirt. Look at him. His wrist is the same size as his neck. Is this some medical condition we need to be aware of? How does he pick up nickels with those sausages he calls fingers? Can he even fit his hand into a pocket? This is a man that will crush a door knob when he tries to grasp it. I feel bad for any woman who attempts to hook up with him. If Marcus even thinks about it the woman feels sore.

Then there’s his face. Marcus Fenix looks like the guy you see out and around who never wears sleeves, always poses for the camera (usually some lame ass kissy face), and acts like a total douche to everyone around him while he sips his Long Island. You know who I’m talking about. It’s called the Jersey Shore. He looks like the kind of guy who would make a legitimate attempt to name himself after his favorite gym verb. I bet his friends call him Flex, or Bulk, or Pump. I just call him Giggles.

Killzone 2 - Ugly Video Game Characters

I petition to send them all the

Sev: Killzone 2

I’m sorry. Did I say Sev? I mean the whole damn team. Killzone 2 takes place on Helghan which is supposed to be an ugly planet full of ugly people. Good. Lets bomb them. They are pricks anyway. But holy crap can you throw at least one attractive team member our way so we can say “this guy would be fun to go out and watch a ball game with” instead of “why did he just reference Garza’s butthole and why is he so familiar with its odor?”

I mean yeah it sucks that Garza dies but I was kind of relieved I didn’t have to look at him anymore. Now what do I have to do in order to go rogue and not look at the rest of my team anymore? And for that matter what do I have to do in order to totally remove all mirrors from my immediate area at all times?

Max Payne: Max Payne

You know what? If you really want to know my thoughts, just read the caption below:

Max Payne - Max Payne - Ugly Video Game Characters

Can someone please get Max a stool softener from that gift shop in the back?

Now I ask you, who’s your ugly video game character of choice?

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Rating: 1.7/5 (25 votes cast)

I am a whore

I will be the first to admit it. I am a whore;  a big big whore.

I spend hours grinding and grinding for that one oh so brief second of bliss. All of the sweat, all of the facial twitches, all of the spasms, and all of the emotion culminate into one gloriously worth it moment that leaves me breathless and delighted.

I am a trophy/achievement whore.

I am a trophy whore. I play Dragon Age: Origins for hours to receive the Ultimate Reward.

I am a trophy whore. I play Ghostbusters: The Video Game in the hopes that someone will ask “Are you a God?

I am a Field Agent.

I am a Head Hunter.

I am a Forager.

I am a total whore.

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Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)