Posts Tagged ‘Prince of Persia’

Prince of Persia: Blue Balls

I feel another rant coming on.  I’m incredibly, wholeheartedly upset.  I feel like I was left hanging out in the cold.  Something that I would assume it would feel like for a guy when a girl teases and teases but then doesn’t let anything further happen…is how I currently feel.  Yes, I suppose what I am feeling is similar to blue balls.

Video Game Blue Balls

Oh yes I did. Video Game Blue Balls.

Ubisoft, prepare to feel my wrath.

Let me back up.  And if you still plan on playing the 2008 release of Prince of Persia and don’t want the ending spoiled for you…read no further.

I finished Prince of Persia over the weekend.  It’s a fairly short game, and the whole while I was waiting for something to happen between the Prince and Elika.  [See the expectations here]  They flirted, they touched a lot, and Elika checked out the Prince’s ass, but still, nothing happened.  No kiss.  No makeout scene.  No tenting action.

And the end of the game?  WTF is that?  I mean, yes, it’s powerful, it’s moving, it’s fascinating, but it’s basically destroying everything you worked for during the course of the game.  And talk about a cliffhanger!  Ubisoft, are you basically just angling for people to run out and grab the downloadable content?  Now that’s just cruel.  I mean, come on!  Unless you’re doing a sequel soon, I’m going to be pissed.  I like my video games to have neat endings…not…massively major cliffhangers.

Plus, the Prince brings Elika back to life and there’s still no makeout scene?  Sure, she’s pissed that he destroyed everything they did (heck, I was pissed making him do it!), and pretty much released the biggest evil god ever, but she should throw herself at him since she’s officially living and breathing again.  Also, wouldn’t the Prince make a move to plant a big wet one on her once she came back to life?  I was surprised that he didn’t.

Prince of Persia

Ubisoft, I'm gonna smack you.

Granted, I don’t believe that every story can have a happy ending.  But this one just hurt.  I was literally in pain chopping down those trees, I was in pain when the Prince walked off with Elika in his arms and the darkness literally swallowing them up.  I was in pain that none of that sexual tension amounted to anything.

Prince of Persia has officially given me blue balls.


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Prince of Persia: Tenting Tension

Prince of Persia

Prince of Persia

To start off, I randomly got a new game this past weekend, Prince of Persia.  I thought I needed a break from all the Dragon Age excitement, and yes, even I will admit that it can get tedious after awhile.  When I start swearing at the screen every few minutes, it’s time for a change of pace.  Sometimes it’s nice to take a platformer and just enjoy the freedom it provides.  Sometimes I’ll do that with Assassin’s Creed – just scale buildings and run across rooftops and sometimes assassinate guards when I need to and run some more.

Prince of Persia is similar to Assassin’s Creed in that they’re both Ubisoft games, and both provide wide open worlds that you can perform amazing leaps and climb to impressive heights.  To be honest, I’ve never played any of the Prince of Persia games, so I’m not invested in the story emotionally.  I didn’t even realize that this isn’t the same ‘Prince’ who usually stars in these games.  This isn’t ‘Sands of Time‘ or ‘The Forgotten Sands‘; this is a whole different place with a whole different story.  And you have a sidekick.

Elika's hot, nimble, and totally going to fall for the Prince.

A hot, female sidekick with whom there’s a whole lot of sexual tension.

In fact, the story starts with a bang.  *wink wink nudge nudge*  And I aaaaalmost mean a bang.  Elika, your soon-to-be sidekick, literally falls on top of you.  Shortly thereafter, you are carrying her, catching her when she nearly faints after healing lands, grabbing her hand when you scrabble across a cliff wall, catching her in your arms when you drop from a height, flirting with her, holding her waist as you fight a warrior, etc.  Sure, she acts resistant, but with a guy who’s charming smile could dazzle stone and who’s chiseled abs could be used for laundry…it’s only a matter of time.

Many of the reviews that I’ve found for this Prince of Persia game are saying that the protagonist is unlikeable, stereotypical, and without a shred of a multi-dimensional personality.  I beg to differ.  While he may not be the funniest guy around, he makes an effort at jokes and in the process keeps the mood light where it could easily fall into the heavy and depressing side of things, and I’ve actually found myself giggling aloud at some of them.  Flat jokes are absolutely realistic.  Sometimes when guys try…they try to hard, and it’s painful.  Others might argue that it’s actually sexist to force Elika to be the sidekick when she seems to be more valuable to restoring the lands than the prince himself.  True, but what woman doesn’t dream about a knight in shining armor?  (Also, it’s kinda funny what comes up when you Google ‘knight in shining armor’.  I like the shopping results…there’s a teddy bear dressed up in medieval garb)  Plus, while Elika surely could figure out how to pick up a sword and could fight alone, I think she takes some strength from having a figure like the prince there alongside her.  Suddenly, the nightmare seems like it can be turned.  It’s not too overwhelming or impossible to overcome.

To be honest, all this ‘tenting’ tension has me playing longer than I might normally (yep, up until 1 am playing the other night).   I can’t wait to see what happens next.


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