Posts Tagged ‘Squall’

Pervy Kids Games

When you think of kids games, you don’t usually think ‘pervy’.  At least, I don’t.  But it can be surprising what pervy things (subtle, and not-at-all-subtle) those dirty game developers can slip into a so-called kids game.

"Something's going on under there, kids, and I don't think they're looking for the dog,"

For example, take the Sims series.  Certain romantic interactions can get very graphic, and certainly a lot of time was spent animating the ‘Make-out’ interaction, with much giggling and little moaning noises.  Heck, starting with the very first expansion pack (Livin’ Large) to the original Sims game, a specific bed would allow male and female characters to get it on.  Do the deed beneath the sheets.  While nothing above a PG-13 rating is shown, the bed is animated with a bump rolling around under the sheets, again with the sounds of giggling and even some barking.  (Sidenote/Question – who barks while having sex??  Are they suggesting the Sims are doing it doggy style?  How pervy is that!!)  In the later games, you can have more creative sex, like in a hot tub, or in a changing room while out and about.  (Check out all the details on WooHoo-ing here.  Because I know you want to know.)  Granted, I suppose the developers are trying to make the games as accurate to real life as possible…and out of that deed your Sim could wind up pregnant, but still!  It’s pretty pervy to be sneaking that into a game that seems like it could be marketed towards kids.  And yes, I know that many adults were attracted to it and hooked on it.  But do you think parents would think twice about buying this game for their kids?  Probably not.  Sneaky, dirty developers.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining.  I love it.  But still sneaky.

Jak II Box

Mmm, nothing's sexier than a man with a big gun...and a weasel on his shoulder.

What about the Jak & Daxter series?  These games sneak in some sexual hints fairly easily.  There’s the sexy Keira, who walks like with the hip movements of a stripper.  Daxter flirts like crazy with her, but she and Jak are the ones who have eyes for each other.  However…when they try to share a kiss, they tend to be interrupted a lot.  Talk about sexual tension!  There’s also the fierce Ashelin, who causes much jealousy in Keira when it seems clear that there’s some chemistry between Jak and Ashelin.  It seems that Ashelin is the first who successfully shares a kiss with Jak, at least on screen.  And Rayn, too, is another character who might share some attraction to (and from) Jak.  She’s of the ‘touchy-feely’ variety, as she thanks Jak while touching him.

I can't even say her name. The controversy might start a war

The Final Fantasy series definitely has a lot of sexuality behind it.  Sure, you could say these games are geared for an older audience with their Teen ratings, but that doesn’t mean young kids won’t get their hands on them.  Heck, just play a few hours into FF7 and you’ll see guys dressing up as girls, men who want to pay for sex (or just have them line up for him and then make creepy advances on them *ahem* Don Corneo – oh and did you know that ‘Don Corneo’ is Spanish for “Mister Horny”?) with women at a strip club slash brothel of some sorts (“Honeybee Inn”.  Yes, really), and a woman who fights with…get this…a ROD.  Or a pole.  Or a staff.  Okay, I know the last one is reaching, but I bet you didn’t think of her weapons in that light before, did you?!  And in Final Fantasy 8, you can collect porno magazines!  No, you can’t actually read them…but…they’re porn!  (Remember, Squall‘s seventeen.  You know he’s taking those to his room and…well, Polishing the Console.)

Seriously, what's so great about her?

Even the kids-y and comical Monkey Island series has some adult aspects.  Why is the evil LeChuck so set on kidnapping and marrying Elaine Marley, even after she’s spurned his advances again and again?  He’s apparently obsessed with her.  That’s…a little mature.  Also, a direct quote from Guybrush Threepwood in-game, Hey, the quicksand is sucking all of the cool stuff I found out of my pants! Now there’s an odd sensation.”

Yeah, I bet he really enjoys that sucking in his pants.


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Final Fantasy VIII: Squall’s Dead

Final Fantasy VIII (FF8) happens to be another one of my favorite games of all time.  FF8 was my first introduction into the world of role playing games, and boy was that a wonderful experience.  I know a lot of people have issues with FF8, that it tends to be very controversial, and well, I’d like to throw an extra wrench in it.


Squall Iced

Ouch. That's gotta hurt.

I stumbled upon a theory and possible interpretation of FF8 the other day, and at first when reading through it, I was furious.  The idea is that Squall, the main character, essentially dies at the end of the first disc, when Sorceress Edea stabs him with the ice shard.  What happens from then on is basically ‘life-flashing-before-your-eyes’, except with a twist.  Instead of seeing what he’d already done, Squall sees the neat closure to the adventure and story they started in the beginning.  Essentially, everything from Disc 2 on is all just a dream.

Again, when I first saw this link, I wanted to scream.  I wanted to kick the computer.  I wanted to pound on the keyboard and yell that it wasn’t true.

But the further I read, the more I started to see how it was plausible, if not necessarily likable.

It’s true that once out of Disc 1, the twists and surprises start rolling in.  And, strangely enough, a lot of these twists connect the characters together.  All the main characters, minus Rinoa, all grew up together.  The Guardian Forces cause memory loss, which is why no one remembers each other.  Edea is married to Headmaster Cid.  Etc, Etc.  It almost seems…too neat.  Too tidy.

Squall's Dead

Squall's wholy. And potentially dead.

Even if I prefer the neat and tidy wrapping up of the story, with all characters happy, I have to admit that this theory made me think.  Made me wonder.  Is it possible…that everything was just a dream?

Check out the site and theory for yourself at  What do you think?  Does the theory hold up?

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